It's not my fault
by whashaza
Summary: Tony's activities on the weekend didn't do him any good


Disclaimer: All characters and events in this story are fictitious, and any similarity to a real person, living or dead is entirely coincidental and unintended by the author. I'm just borrowing the characters…so don't sue.

**It's not my fault**

**By**

**Whashaza**

"Not funny," Tony said again as Ziva gives another giggle.

"You're almost as red as the lobster I once had, Tony. Yes?" Ziva stated coyly as she scrutinizes Tony once again.

"Not my fault."

"You keep saying that. What exactly happened?"

Tony huffs as he plops down in his chair beside his desk, trying his best to ignore the Mossad agent. He takes out a DVD from his drawer. He looked at his reflection, wincing at the image staring back at him.

Maybe he should've stayed home. He could've made something up. He could've had some dreaded disease that would've kept him in a darkened room…in quarantine so that nobody could visit.

Ziva gave another giggle and then placing her hands on his desk, leaned into his personal space.

"Was she worth it?"

"You have no idea…" he started to say. He stopped himself and gave Ziva another careful look when he saw the expectant expression. "Wait…maybe you do? Where were you the weekend, _Zeeeva_? Not spying on my…uh…activities?"

"I was a spy by profession, Tony."

"Ah-hah. So you were there?"

"Noooo, where would that be?"

"At the…," he stops himself again. Giving a soft chuckle, he rose and leaned closer to her till inches separated their lips and eyes from each other. He could see the golden flecks in her eyes, could see humor dancing inside.

"Almost, but not quite Ziva David. I'm not telling, unless you do first."

"Men like a little mystery in a woman, yes?"

"Maybe."

Ziva smiled. She gave a slow wink and then turned away and made her way to her desk. Tony sighed and then plopped back onto his chair.

"That might be called sexual harassment, _Zeeva."_

"The way you're looking now, I'll call it being lucky, no?"

"Ah, come on. It's not that bad. It happens to everyone." Tony says as he leans back against his chair, hands behind his head before realizing that it hurt a little too much to be doing that. Smoothly changing position, he leans forward, elbows on his desk as he eyes the Mossad agent.

"Not everyone, Tony. It has never happened to me."

"Not even once?"

"Would I lie to you?"

Tony huffs. Takes out the DVD and stares at his image again, really really wishing this time that he had not come into work this morning.

It didn't look that bad…

He looks up when a makeup compact landed on his desk. He gave Ziva the Gibbs stare – or tried to. Deciding to pack his pride away, he picked up the compact, opened it and stared at himself in the little mirror.

Okay.

It did look bad. Worse. Awful. Terrible. Ghastly. Horrific.

Having run out of synonyms, he slammed the compact close. Ziva was once again leaning over his desk as she tut-tutted at him.

"Maybe if you try a little foundation, it wouldn't look so…red."

For one crazy second he actually considered wearing make-up. But he wasn't that desperate. Yet. Besides, he still had time to leave. He and Ziva was early enough that they had the bullpen all to themselves.

He heard the ding of the lift.

He ducked his head under his table. Footsteps came closer and he could see the black shine of the shoes from his position as they came to halt before his table.

"DiNozzo."

He lifts his head and looks Gibbs in the eye. "Oh, hi. Was just looking for something I dropped…"

"You look…like you hurting. Will you be able to work?"

"Not like I've got the plague or something as bad as that, Boss."

"I can see that, DiNozzo."

"Yeah, uh, Boss. I'll think I'll take a personal day."

"Maybe you should, DiNozzo."

The lift made another ding. With Gibbs still standing there with a silent smirk, he groaned and let his head drop onto his hands. This was not going to be a good day.

"Oh, poor Tony."

Figures. Ziva had texted Abby.

"Don't be such a baby, Tony. Let me see."

He slowly lifted his head, his face set into the – don't you dare say anything – mask. Abby's hand flew to her mouth and he could see her not trying to giggle. "It's, uhm, not that bad."

He gave her the full out – I'm angry – stare but that set her off into a giggle match with Ziva while Gibbs moved off to his desk.

"I'm going home."

He stood up, grabbed his bag and started to move around his table when the lift dinged again. McGee exited the lift and when his eyes met Tony's, they widened in disbelief.

"Woah, what happened to you?"

He wanted to tell the probie that it was nothing but he had already said it almost ten times already this morning. He hated the fact that he had decided to come it.

If only he had stayed at home.

Dammit.

"Are you okay, Tony?"

McGee was actually touching his shoulder, his face full of concern while behind him Abby and Ziva gave another giggle.

"I'm fine, McGeek," he manages to ground out. "Another day or so and I'll be back to normal."

"It looks like it could hurt."

"Ya think." Tony said forcefully, ignoring the warning look from Gibbs.

"It's just that I've never seen it so bad before. I've had my share of…"

Tony grabs McGee by his tie as he leans in. "Of course you had it before, McBurn." He throws Ziva a warning look. "This," he indicates his face, "wasn't by choice, okay. This is not my fault."

"Okay."

Then Ziva was there, pulling McGee away from his grip. He let her as he gathered his bag he had dropped, trying not to winch when it hit a particular bad patch on his shoulder.

"I've got a remedy for you that will help."

Of course Ziva would only mention it now as he was about to leave after everyone had seen him. He gave her a sarcastic smile. "Goat's milk and honey leaves?" With that said he turned his back on them and decided to take the stairs.

It was still early but just wasn't in the mood any more for any further stares.

He was about to reach for the door knob when it swung inwards. Ducky hid his surprise well.

"Oh my. Anthony, are you all right."

"Just leaving, Duck."

"I've never seen it so bad before. And believe me; I've seen my share of…"

"Yes. I've heard it all. I'll be okay in a day or two. It looks worse than it is. And yes, I'd been wearing my sunglasses when it had happened."

"You sure." When Tony nodded stiffly, Ducky gave a small chuckle. "This reminds me of the time when I was in Africa. South Africa to be exact…"

Tony sighted softly then started for the stairs.

"Apply some Aloe Vera."

Tony stopped in his tracks and turned to stare at Gibbs. The man was hunched over his computer but Tony was sure he had heard Gibbs say those words.

"Works wonders for sunburn."

He wanted to scream it out that this wasn't his fault that he was looking like a ripe tomato with a nice sunglasses tan but it was too little. Too late.

He went home, dutifully applied the Aloe Vera he had brought at the local pharmacy and put on his favorite Magnum PI episode.

He made sure it was the one where Magnum didn't get sunburned.

He didn't need any further reminders to his activities of the weekend.

****************

_My muse is insisting on reviews. Hope this isn't so bad, I don't usually do humor. So, let my poor muse know what you think._


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